Diegos Say 'Sorry' To Socceroos Post by: Carlos Alberto Diego 24 January, 2011 - 3:23 PM

(Photo: Getty Images)

In the aftermath of the Socceroos' gutsy 1-0 Asian Cup quarter-final extra-time win against Iraq, former PM Kevin Rudd is urging all Australians to say ‘sorry’ ... again.

Mr Rudd exclusively elaborated his position to Triple M’s Four Diegos over some yum cha.

“... No not to the Stolen Generation - me and my Indigenous brothers are ‘deadly’ (that means ‘cool’ for those of you who aren’t groovy like me).”

“And no, not to Finland for unleashing Peter Andre’s disco/techno/love ballads upon them.”

“No I’m talking about apologising to the much-maligned Socceroos. We need to say ‘sorry’ and we need to do it now just in case they have a shocker against the Uzbeks in the semis.”
 
Contrite, and revelling in Ruddy’s reconciliatory rambles (not to mention the shark fin dumplings with chilli oil), the Diegos are taking it upon themselves to put together a ‘sorry’ speech to the Socceroos on behalf of a nation. Here goes ...

‘Sorry Speech to the Socceroos’ by the Four Diegos:

We are sorry...

•    For ever believing that you are only a very, very, very, very, very good goalkeeper rather than a great goalkeeper - Mark Schwarzer I truly say 'sorry' – Love Carlos Alberto Diego, Triple M’s Four Diegos

•    For ever letting you rot in the Bristol City reserves – Luke Wilshire I wholeheartedly say 'sorry' – Love Brian Tinnian, Pub Team manager Bristol City 2005

•    For that haircut – David Carney I unreservedly say 'sorry' - Love your hairdresser

•    For thinking that smurfs from the A-League couldn’t play – Matt McKay I sincerely say 'sorry' – Love Pim Verbeek, former Socceroos coach, now in exile in a Moroccan kibbutz

•    For believing that really, really hairy man-apes can’t play football – Sash Ognenovski  I genuinely say 'sorry' – Love Pim again  

•    For giving cashless Sydney Rovers the second Sydney license instead of you – Lucas Neill I really say 'sorry' – (by the way, is that lazy $6 mill still lying around Lucas?) Love Ben Buckley FFA CEO

•    For thinking that you must’ve had naked photos of all the coaches you ever played for – Brett Holman we earnestly say 'sorry' – Love the 582 members of the Facebook group 'Brett Holman is a joke', and followers of the other anti-Holman sites such as 'Do not play Brett Holman', 'Get Brett Holman out ofthe Socceroos squad' and 'If Brett Holman goes to South Africa. I'm NOT!'.

•    For thinking your groins and gout weren’t up to it anymore and you were hogging Ray Martin – Harry Kewell I unconditionally say 'sorry' – Love Robbie Slater former Socceroo legend and Fox Sports commentator

•    For thinking that your international future was best served by playing for Samoa – Tim Cahill I, with all my heart, say 'sorry' – Love your Grandma

•    For thinking that you will never score for the Socceroos and that you are a touch puffy – Scott McDonald ... ah, we’d like to hold off on this for another 10 or so internationals if possible – Love 22,342,400 Australians.

On behalf of the country, the Diegos say ‘sorry’ to all Socceroos for the pain and suffering caused by fans, media and Rebecca Wilson ... That is as long as you are not crap against Uzbekistan.

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• JR Salazar says

  Can we protest the apologies in case that happens?

  Posted Monday 24 January, 2011 5:52 PM