Kymba's Spinster Fear - The Big Couch

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Kymba's Spinster Fear Post by: Kymba 14 June, 2010 - 2:42 PM

The only spinsters are those in the fairytale Rumplestiltskin!

Listen to Kymba tell the boys about her Spinster shame.

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Last week I had an epiphany. I am the ONLY single girl in my group of friends and I decided I am ready to meet a man, go on dates, and wear tracky pants on weekends while we watch DVDs on the couch. It may have been a thought that has been beating me against the side of the head for a while now, and I chose to ignore it. But suddenly by calling it an epiphany, I have to commit to the idea. I contacted my girlfriends and demanded we go out for happy hour in the city and meet some men in suits. I activated a plan of attack. We’ll mingle with the crowds, bat our eyelids at the suits and be home before dark. Perfect. Upon gathering my comrades, I mentioned it was time to hit the town because I am not quite ready to resign to the idea of being a lonely spinster. The reply from one of my girlfriends stopped me in my tracks. “Sounds fun Kymba, count me in, but I think you wear spinsterhood well.”

WHAT??!!

I was baffled. I wear spinsterhood well? What does that mean? People are used to the idea of me being alone? Do people think it’s unlikely I will ever find a man for me? And more importantly, why am I so worried about being labelled a spinster? I can’t help but think there is a stigma around being a woman in her late 20s to late 30’s who isn’t married or in a steady committed relationship. People seem to place us in a box and think we must have something wrong with us. Maybe we chose a career, maybe we travelled, maybe the timing just wasn’t right. But overall, I am left feeling that if I don’t find a man soon...I should adopt 20 cats and dispose of all my stilettos in exchange for more ‘comfortable shoes.’

Ladies, sometimes it feels like we just can’t win. If we lower our standards and just date anybody, our friends and family tell us we are making a bad choice and we should get out of the relationship. But if we hold out for quality companionship and it takes longer to find, we are ‘left on the shelf’ and appearing desperate! It can be great being single, it can be great being married...but do we HAVE to be called spinsters? If I get the cats, wear the shoes and buy a spinning wheel and knit my own cardigans on a loom, then I’ll wear the label. But until then...I would prefer it if you just tell your friends that you think I’m sassy, wink at me in a bar and desire to date me long enough to watch DVDs in our trackies!

Would love to hear your thoughts ladies- are you in the same boat? Did you meet someone later in life? Send me your messages of heartbreak and hope. As we would say in the swimming pool change rooms as kids... “We’re all girls!”

*This blog may contain traces of nuts.

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Ali Dymond says
I started travelling at 19 and spent a great deal of time in Europe and Africa - wouldn't change that for the world.

At 36 I didn't think I would meet anyone worth spending my days with sitting around in trackie dax and no makeup - resigned myself to the fact that I may spend my life with my dogs and rabbit - however, after going on an internet site (one new years eve after spending it down at my parents house), meeting a wonderful man and travelling half way around the world (London) to catch up with him in real time (not webcam or msn), we have been together for 5 years now and are very happily unmarried and very happily living back in my home of WA (and now very much his home too).

If you are not the clubbing, pubbing type person, or don't think you will meet your right person at these types of places, then try the Net - it is worth a go.

I think the Spinster tag is an outdated term and should be banished from our vocabulary forever.
Posted Monday 14 June, 2010 4:39 PM
Lisa says
Hey Kimba all my friends are marreid with rugrats and all they do is whinge about how they can never do what they want - enjoy the freedom while you have it girl :)
Ive nearly reached the milestone of no return (the Big 40) and I couldnt care less if there was a fella out there for me or not. Don't get me wrong I might like the company of the right person. I have basic man standards that I like to call my BREW standards ......the man should be Breathing, Real, Energetic, & Washed. Not too much too ask for....but do you think I can find one........and Im a six foot gorgeous blonde, but I only get dates when I LIE and pretend to be a hairdresser and wear low cut tops ..the minute the fellas discover the girl has a brain, a sense of humour and doesnt put up with any B-SH!T they get a bit scared (poor luvs). But I'm not changing I like me!!!!! I dont humour my meddling friends anymore either . They stupidly feel sorry for me and try to set me up on dates with weirdos from planet Zyrcon :). Why do people think you need to be with someone to make your life meaningful???? Life is what you make of it ... if you get the bonus of doing it with someone special then thats great. Im definately not a spinster, I am single and prefer to be called a "SPARTAN SEEKER" heee heeee hee haha hee
Posted Monday 14 June, 2010 8:04 PM
Apples says
I am in your same boat Kymba but I beleive love is out there some where looking for me.. and it will find me!!!
A few years ago a really lovely friend of mine send me this poem called Apples and wine and it goes like this:
Women are like apples on trees, the best ones are on the top of the tree. The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and don't want to get hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't so good but easy. So, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree...

Everytime I get upset because my love life doesnt go the way I want I look at this poem and think I'm that Apple for someone, and that someone is going to come soon... I will never lose my faith on love and I think one day I will love and be loved...

Labels mean nothing it's all about how you feel and how you see yourself...

I will find you a good man dont you worrry!!!
Posted Monday 14 June, 2010 9:49 PM
Debbie says
I was 28 before I started dating my now husband. I had worked for years then went off travelling around the world. Much fun was had but I didn't meet that guy. Nobody really hassled me about it and I suppose I didn't notice too much as my besties were single too. The trap is that once you do meet that someone, not to blow it because you are so used to being on your own. Don't let your independance get the better of you!! I started dating at 28, married at 29 and had my first baby at 30. I don't feel I left it too late but as far as the babies go, I'm glad I didn't leave it too much longer. That's more due to the body wrecking than anything else though!! I've now been married for 11 years and have 2 boys.
Posted Monday 14 June, 2010 10:25 PM
Cilla says
Hi all,
I know exactly how Kymba feels!! I had been with my husband since I was 22 years old he left when I was 40. I spent the last 5 years bringing up our daughter now it's me time. At 45 I find men are married, divorced and they get snapped up quick or have forever been single (and you don't want to go near this type as they are still single for a reason).

I'm exasperated!! I'm looking for a man with values not a player but it looks like it's going to elude me :( Oh well, maybe you should turn this blog into a blog about great hobbies and interests for us ladies : )
Posted Tuesday 15 June, 2010 6:33 AM
Cecilia says
Kymba, all I can say is don't lose hope, girl. I was single and happily so till the ripe old age of 29. Then when I least expected it, I was introduced to someone by a friend. We started a "fling" and ended up marrying last year (me at age 33 and him at 46)!
Posted Tuesday 15 June, 2010 2:43 PM
Dean says
Kimba, don't worry plenty of males in the same situation - your turn will come sooner than later I hope
Posted Tuesday 15 June, 2010 3:59 PM
Krista says
I'm 19 and I've had boyfriends but nothing serious. I HATE the hooking-up culture that seems to be the norm these days, it's disgusting!!! But my friends and even grown-ups think I'm really weird for not being with a boy yet. Not that I haven't had offers...but is it too much to ask to fall in love with someone before we get into anything physical?
I have a dirty sense of humour and guys mistake it for promiscuity...ewww.
Am I a spinster or a prude? LOL!
Don't worry Kimba, you don't need a man to be happy. Some are happier without them haha!
Posted Tuesday 15 June, 2010 10:22 PM
Donners says
I am 40, have been married to the worlds most wonderful man for 2 years.

I just tell people I was waiting for perfection. The kid came first, the string of CRAP relationships you thought you had to be in to complete you. Rubbish.

Wait for perfection, it is well worth it. Stop looking for it, because it WILL find you.
Posted Wednesday 16 June, 2010 9:41 AM
Marie May says
Although the process of dating can definitely seem like a sport, it... See Mores not hunting season. And even if it were, its better to hunt for animals such as deer and elk, not men. Im not gonna lie, the idea of hunting them down, capturing them and making them all ours, its tempting. But fortunately for the hairier, more muscular species, this is not the case. So the first thing you need to do is rid yourself of the attitude that that you cant find a man because its not about finding, hunting or making just any guy like you, its about meeting someone special who makes your heart beat a little faster and most importantly, feels the same way about you in return. Unfortunately, you cant hurry up that process, itll happen when its supposed to happen. And its not about waiting around for some guy to find you, its about realizing how fabulous you are and not settling for anyone less than you deserve.

In the meantime, realize that all your happiness should not stem from a guy or having a boyfriend even if he is Brad Pitts h-o-t look-a-like cousin but instead, your happiness should come from within. Never look outward to another person for fulfillment, because then your happiness is not real, and will inevitably disappear if that person should leave your life. And whats more, being genuinely happy, content, confident and self-assured makes you ultra desirable to the opposite sex. So its a pretty ironic catch 22 create your own happiness, and shift your focus from hunting to a boyfriend back to yourself, and voila, youll have to start carrying around tissues for all the boys who will be drooling over you!
Posted Wednesday 16 June, 2010 10:29 AM